Carry it with you 'til someone forgives you
by Anna-psycho
Summary: HinaNeji- He had sworn to protect her, protect the smile that sweetened his heart. But darkness came, and they have almost forgot their childish love... But the feeling remain.- Rated for future chapters, R&R!


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**Disclaimer:** Naruto and all related characters, names and logos belong to Kishimoto-san, VizMedia, or someone of the sort. Had it been mine, there would be HinaNeji-cest all over, Sakura would be less annoying and so would Naruto...

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She picked up a flower and smiled sweetly

She picked up a flower and smiled sweetly. He watched her and felt warm inside. She was so cute. She was so fragile. And he would protect her, as he had promised her father not long ago. He hadn't understood the look on his father's face though. But it didn't matter: he would, he **will** protect her, no matter what.

- 'Oniisan! Look at the butterflies!' - the three-year-old said to her now most beloved cousin.

He had grown accustomed to her calling him 'oniisan', and he had come to like it. Such a shame he could not call her 'imouto-chan'. He so would have liked to treat her as a little sister. But they were Hyuugas, and he was her protector, she was his duty; she was a cute princess and he was her little knight.

Although knights sometimes married princesses in the stories they told her. This conflicted him, but he soon forgot about it as the little girl in a yellowish kimono caught his hand and made him run through the blossoming flowers with her. She would always do that. Caught him off guard and make him run hand-in-hand with her without a word. He quite liked it. Because then they would be alone, away from the adults, although still in eyes' reach. And they would sit, or lay on the ground, and remain like that, together, sometimes chatting, sometimes just looking at the sky, until one of their mums would come to tell them it's too late, and that they could play again some other time.

The first times she would start crying when playing time was over, sobbing and praying to stay with her 'oniisan' a little longer. She had no sisters or brothers, so Neji was the only one she could have fun with, and she was the only one he wanted to be with. They had other cousins of course, the clan was large indeed, but with none of them did they feel comfortable. It was like the only understood each other, and only with each other they were at ease.

Too bad sunny days don't last long, that butterflies die so easily and that adults made decisions they were, unfortunately, too young to understand.

And the sunny days when she would pick up flowers and run with him, and make him feel warm inside were gone, vanished as a dream too sweet to be remembered without bitterness.

And the night in their lives came. But not the kind of night when the moon shined peacefully and the air was gentle. No, this night was dreadful; it was full of fears, of tears, of pain, stress and irritation.

He lost his father, and the hope in the world, and the love for his family. She would cry endlessly to the mere thought that her uncle was gone, and his beloved cousin was pained and would not see her. She cried to the thought that she will _never_ see him smile again. She really liked his smile. It was soft, it was safe, it was full of love.

And the years past, and his hate grew wide and powerful, and her pain remained suppressed and kept her shy, afraid of being hurt. And they almost forgot the sunny days of their childish love. The smiles that sweetened their hearts.

But then, destiny gave another twist. He discovered that the origin of his hate –his father's death- was based on a falsehood. And then he could hate not, and he would think of her without resentment again.

He would think of her with regret now. He had hurt her, even though he had vowed to protect her. He had promised his father, and he had failed. He almost killed her, for God's sake! And he still hadn't atoned for that sin. And she would still look at him kindly, in a way he didn't think he deserved. And she would look at him with unspoken fear, and he felt his pride crush and a new born anger at himself.

Just watching her and remembering her pained look, her fierce eyes and her blood staining the floor in merciless drops, filled him with a despair he had not known till then. And it was torture.

But it was not enough. His sin had been too great.

She was worried. Endlessly worried. How could she have passed out during their fight? From Hanabi's questions she knew something important had happened. Had her father told Neji something? She could tell he was different now. He still felt cold and broken inside, but she noticed that now he wasn't carrying the same grudge he would always looked at her with. No, this was different. Maybe nobody else had noticed, but she did. He once was her favourite cousin and her first friend, after all.

But now she was scared. She still cared a lot about him, but his harsh occasional touch reminded her of a great pain in her chest, and the spilled blood. And she dared not get close to him, not look him in the eyes.

_That_ was his self-imposed torture.

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A.N: This was my very first fic. I became a HinaNeji fan because of some videos in youtu... So I decided to write this. It **will** be continued, as long as you like it. Read and Review, plisss! And be gentle with me


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